Edmund gets Susan Drunk
by narnia and beareject fan 1
Summary: Edmund gets bored and has nothing fun to do, so what happens when he gets his hands on some strong alcohol? Please R&R! Now a two-shot! Just hilarious humor and fluff! Rated T just to be safe.
1. Edmund gets Susan drunk

**Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia, I just like playing with the characters.**

**This is just something I wrote because I had nothing better to do. I thought it would be fun to just write a fluffy humor so enjoy. **

(This story is sort of an addition to my other one. I just wrote it for fun. It's suppose to be set when Peter and Ashley are on their honey moon so yeah.)

**Please R&R! This is my first ever one shot. So please be nice! **

**One Shot: Edmund gets Susan drunk**

**Edmund POV**

_Wow! I am so bored. For a huge castle like this, there is really nothing entertaining to do._ I was randomly walking down different corridors looking for something to do.

"Hi Eddie!" _Oh great, just what I need._

"What is it Lucy?" I asked unenthusiastically.

"I'm really bored, so I was wondering if you wanted to come and play with me," she asked sweetly. I sighed and turned around to face her.

"Fine._" I figured that I may as well. I mean seriously, what have I got to lose._

"Yay! So I was thinking maybe we could play with my dolls_." Oh man! I'm going to so lose my dignity. What could be even more fun than playing with Lucy's dolls? I know! This is going to be great!_

"Hey Lucy, have you ever seen Susan drunk?" I asked curiously. She tilted her head cutely and then shook it.

"No, Why?" She asked sceptically. I smirked wickedly.

"Would you like to?" I asked. She nodded her head slowly.

"Oka-" She started to answer before I started dragging her to the cellar in the town. Once we got there I went up to the mahogany counter and rung a little bell that was above it.

"Yes. What can I help you with your majesty?" The guy asked.

"Do you have any strong alcohol?" I asked. He looked underneath the counter and pulled out a tiny bottle, before placing the little diamond pot on the counter.

"This is the strongest we have. If you put one drop in a cup of water, it will make them so drunk they won't even be able to think straight," he explained. _Perfect! Just what I need!_

"We'll take it!" I said before Lucy could interject. I gave him the 13 gold crescents and took the bottle from his stretched out hand. "Thank you!" I said while pulling Lucy out of the cellar with me_. Best thing about being a king, you don't need to show ID_. I chuckled evilly and walked into the giant golden castle. We entered the kitchen, after making sure the coast was clear and got out a cup and filled it up with water. I put one drop of the red stuff in and headed back out. "Where's Susan?" I asked Lucy. She smiled and grabbed my hand.

"In the throne-room," she said while pulling me through the double doors.

"Now don't tell her, we've spiked it ok." She nodded her tiny head before zipping her mouth closed and throwing away the key. _Good! Now my plan is coming together._

"Hey Su, I know you're working really hard so I got you some water," I said while walking up to her throne and handing her the drink. She took it and looked at it suspiciously.

"Thanks," she said before taking a breath a swallowing all of it. I grinned wickedly.

"Right now Lucy, stand back and enjoy the show!" I said. Lucy started giggling which gave us a few looks from some guards. _I'm so glad Peters away on his honey moon otherwise he would probably kill me_.

**Susan POV**

As soon as Edmund offered me a drink, I knew something was up. He is not the type of person who just randomly gives you a drink. I accepted it though, to my utter amazement and jugged it down. _That tastes really strong to be just water_. It took me a minute to realize that everything had gone majorly blurry. I felt myself sway the tiniest bit before falling onto a sea of ice cream. "I'VE GOT AN ICE BLOCK!" I screamed out when I found a little green icicle. I picked it up and immediately started licking it. _It tastes like tree. Yuk!_ I threw it down onto the ice cream and started to walk down the chocolate topping. I suddenly felt air bourn. _That's really weird_. My head fell onto the ice cream and I squealed. _I get to make ice cream angels now._ I laid flat on my stomach and made angel wings with my spaghetti. "ICE CREAM ANGEL!" I said.

"Susan, are you feeling okay." I heard a little tinkle voice say. _He He-tinkle!_ I looked up and screamed.

"EVIL IMP!" I screamed again. I got up and started running away as quickly as I could, but instead I slid on the vanilla ice cream. "AHHHHHH!" I screamed as it came up slowly too me. _This is even worse than that horror movie_. She touched my arm and I burst out crying. "DON'T TOUCH ME EVIL IMP!" I exclaimed. I got back up and ran outside on spaghetti and ran into a tomato sauce wall. "EWWW!" I complained. I turned around and ran on spaghetti to the edge of the ice cream without slipping because I'm that cool.

"Susan. Are you- " A leprechaun started to ask me. I started crying again and looked around hysterically for my closest exit. I had no choice, I had to.

" HEY LOOK ANTS! I'M A BIRDIE!" I shouted as I flew out the opening. I felt like air. I flapped my wings hysterically._ It works I'm flying._ I suddenly saw green cordial coming up to meet me then-bang, blackness. _Yay! I'm covered in liquorice! _

**Edmund POV**

I swear I was about to piss myself, because I was laughing so hard. Susan drunk is the funniest and most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I looked beside me and noticed Lucy laughing just as hard as me. _This is so great_! She licked a leaf and just jumped out a window for goodness sake, yelling out that we were all ants and that she was a bird. Now she's flat on the ground, squealing and saying that's she covered in liquorice. She's been calling me a leprechaun for goodness sake. I know I'm wearing green today but gosh, she doesn't need to make fun of my height. _This day can't get any funnier._

**Susan POV**

_Liquorice tastes so good. In fact now that I think about it, it sort of tastes like shoe. Oh well_! I got up and noticed the little green leprechaun staring at me again. I flipped my hair and tripped over again_. Yay! The pool of green cordial is back again. I miss the liquorice though_. I stood back up on spaghetti again and strolled over carefully to the leprechaun.

"I want chicken," I said. I just realised he has a twin next to him. "Hi leprechaun brother," I said happily then looked back to the other one.

"What?" He said stupidly.

"I said I WANT CHICKEN! NOW!" I commanded and then burst out crying.

"Okay then," the little green leprechaun said while walking away. I looked next to me and noticed...

"THE LITTLE EVIL IMP IS BACK! AHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed while running away. _It's going to kill me_. I hid behind some broccoli and parted it with spaghetti. _She has a twin too!_ I burst out crying again and stood up while running through the tea bag area. I stopped then in the middle of the pool of green cordial. _I can't believe I'm walking on cordial. It's so cool._ Then I saw something. "CHICKEN!" I shouted out while chasing it around on green cordial. _I want me a chicken_.

"Back off freak!" The chicken said while bashing me over the head with something. The world got covered in liquorice again. _Oh yeah! I didn't get my chicken though_. I opened my eyes suddenly to find the twin leprechauns and the twin...

"IT'S THE TWIN EVIL IMPS AGAIN!" I squealed while getting up and running on my spaghetti and heading through the honey mustard. It felt like the mustard was watching me. I turned around and it was. I ran into bark then and started crying. I tried to get in, but couldn't. I burst out crying again and then the most peculiar thing happened. It broke and I fell onto the yoghurt. I swam through and finally made it to the lake of grapefruit. I dove into it and closed my eyes so that I was covered in liquorice again.

I woke up in the morning with a searing head ache. My stomach was aching and I couldn't think straight._ I knew one thing for sure, Edmund is going to pay_!

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**Please R&R! I know it's totally random. Please be nice!**

**Susan's Drunk Dictionary! Hooray :D**

**because some of it is pretty tricky to understand: (I know, some of them are explained already, just making sure though that everyone understands ;)**

Green icy-pole/ice block = leaf

Ice-cream = white floors

Chocolate topping = brown stairs

Spaghetti = her limbs (arms and legs)

Leprechaun = Edmund (Of course)

Evil Imp = you guessed it - Lucy

Tomato sauce = mahogany wall outside the Throne Room

Ants = Town's people

Liquorice = The darkness when she closes her eyes and a dwarf's leather boot

Broccoli = green bushes

The tea bag area = the houses and small stores in the town outside the castle

Pool of green cordial = little grassy paddock

Chicken = little old faun lady

Honey Mustard = yellow walls of the corridor outside Susan's bedroom

Bark = brown wooden door that leads into Susan's bedroom

Yoghurt = cream floors

and last, but not least, The lake of Grapefruit = Susan's purple doona/quilt on her bed

**Hope that helped a bit ;)**


	2. Susan's revenge

**Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia, I just loooove messing around with the characters ;) **

**Hope you enjoy :)**

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Chapter 2: Susan's revenge

_**Susan POV**_

_What to do? What to do?_ A few days ago Edmund spiked my drink which made me drunk, so now I intend to get even with him_. Right, I think I've got everything I need to make this work._ I grabbed the giant cardboard box and headed down stairs to Edmunds bedroom. I snuck quietly around the corner and entered the disaster zone. _Seriously, someone needs to clean up his bedroom. Anyway, back to the mission_. I got out the bucket and poured in all the black ink, until it was full. Then I tied it up to the top of the doorway with a string and closed the door carefully. Then I got out the bag of white feathers and tied them up to the doorway as well. _This is going to be so sweet._ Step one: Door is now complete. Now commence step 2: Room. I got out the mini box of leaves and happily spread the contents of the box around the room. Step 2, complete. Now for the final step, Step 3: I got out the bottle of soap and spread it all over the bathroom, the floor, the bath tub, the sink and the shower. I quickly cleaned up the mess that I had made and hid under his smelly, dirty bed. _This is going to be so much funnier than me being drunk! _

_**Edmund POV**_

_Golly, that was the most boring meeting I've been to this week. I mean seriously who cares about an island that is sinking. Yes, I know it's sort of cool, but seriously, there is nothing you can do about. It's just a force of nature! It's not like we can keep it up with ropes or anything. I thought I would never say this, but I'm so glad that Peter is getting back today. I don't think I can last through another boring meeting._ I walked up the ivory staircase until I reached the third floor, which was my bedroom. I walked up the corridor and opened the door. As soon as the door was open I heard something snap and then suddenly I was covered in this disgusting black stuff and are these feathers? I picked one out of my hair and, surely enough; it slowly floated to the ground. _What on earth? Who would do this?_ I looked up then and my eyes grew wide_. My room is green, as in covered in green because of leave_s. I swear there was smoke coming out of my ears_. Who in their right minds would do this to me? I'm a King! I don't deserve this type of treatment._ I walked over to the bathroom and opened the door. I suspiciously looked around. _Everything looks in right order._ I shrugged my shoulders and walked forward's swiftly. After two steps I suddenly felt my feet slipping_. It is as if I'm on ice._ I slipped forwards and fell head first into the toilet_. Great, just what I wanted_. At that exact moment I heard two quiet knocks on my bedroom door. _Golly, who could that be?_

"Hey Ed, we are officially ho-" _This is just what I wanted_. At that moment I heard two pairs of footsteps walk up to the bathroom door. _Oh, please don't come in_!

"Edmund are you alright?" My kind and very caring sister-in-law asked. She had a hint of worry in her tone. I decided that it was probably about time to take my head of the toilet. I slowly pulled it out, but not before the door opened.

"Edmund, why is your head in the toilet?" Peter asked stifling a laugh. I heard Ashley slap him for asking the question.

"Well, because I got covered in feathers and this horrible black stuff fell on top of me and decided that it was about time to take a bath, so I stepped into the bathroom and slipped on the floor and landed head first in the toilet," I explained with a hint of sarcasm in my tone. "Does that clear everything up for you?" I asked shouting now.

"Yeah it does, but who did this to you?" Ashley asked. She looked honestly upset.

"We have to thank them for it," Peter added before getting another very hard slap on his arm.

"I have no idea," I said looking at the two love birds.

_**Susan POV**_

I was in absolute hysterical laughter that is until my older brother and sister-in-law walked in. They were standing at the bathroom door talking to Edmund and were both in plain sight. If they turned around, then they would notice me. _I wonder what Peter would do to me if he found out that I did it. Probably kill me I suppose._ At that moment the worst thing possible happened. They both turned around and noticed me_. Right, now I'm officially dead._ Peter narrowed his blue eyes at me, causing me to slide back a little bit.

"What were you thinking?" He shouted at me. _The wrath of Peter, Great! Just Great_! "Why on earth would you do that to Edmund? I know he's annoying, but he has not done anything wrong to you. So you have officially 2 minutes starting now to explain why you did it. Go!" He commanded me. I smirked and looked at Ashley, too scared to look at Peter's face. _I know it seems stupid, but he can be quite frightening when he's angry_.

"Well, I did it because a few days ago Edmund spiked my drink and made me so drunk, I can't remember anything that happened that day. After that day, I had a sick stomach and a headache for about 2 days. I only just got rid of it all yesterday. So, I decided that I may as well get him back. So I put black ink and feathers above his door, leaves throughout his entire bedroom and soap all through his bathroom. Then he ended up falling in the toilet as well. So that's what happened," I explained quickly. Peter and Ashley both looked shocked.

"Edmund, get your butt out here now!" Peter commanded. I looked over to the door way and noticed Edmund hesitating. "NOW!" Peter shouted at him. He quickly rushed and stood next to me. "You are both grounded for 2 weeks," he punished simply. _Wait, grounded? He can't ground us_. "I'm older and married, I can easily ground you." It's like he just read my thoughts. How freaky. "Understand?" He asked. We both nodded our heads slowly. "Good, see you both soon," he said, before grabbing his wife's hand and pulling her out of the room.

"Good going. Now we are both grounded for your stupidity," Edmund snapped at me.

"My stupidity, more like your stupidity. You are the one who got me drunk," I said angrily before turning around and leaving_. That is what he deserves a good ole' grounding_.

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**I know, it's not that funny! Please Review and be nice.**


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